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Friday, April 8, 2011

Friday... Friday.. *Insert Rebecca Black song here*

It's Picture time again on Friday night...
Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words....
You  know who needs more words?

Rebecca Black.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Ledgerific Life

Ode To Heath Ledger:
The 1990's began your career
From Australia you moved to here.
You starred in 10 Things I Hate About You
My eyes were stuck to you like glue.
I've never seen such a face
Or muscles that take up lots of space.
The armor you wore in "A Knight's Tale"
Made my heart pump fast and my face go pale.
You're the only villain to make Batman afraid
and DEFINITELY you could have beat up Blade.
You cannot imagine how much I cried
When I found out that you died.
All my childhood dreams and hopes
Were crushed the moment that you choked.
So i dedicated this ode in honor of your big day
I mean, 32 would have been pretty old
But you're just laying in a coffin, dead and cold.

Heath Ledger, you need to get a...................................................................................LIFE. hahaha get it?

Friday, March 25, 2011

He Looks Like Luigi

Every so often there comes a celebrity so beautiful the heavens sing songs of joy on the day he was born. So why in the world would he turn his back on his beauty and become something of a bum? Our dearest friend, James Franco, attracted my notice in Spiderman. While everyone was marveling over Spidey's webnastics, I was drooling over the Green Goblin's son. Not to mention the fact that this boy took over 25 units a semester at UCLA unti he graduated and is working on grad school.  But what is this mess? This conformist to Mustache March; this messy, unkempt human is nothing short of a failure of beauty.
   
James Franco, You need to get a.............................FREAKING MAKEOVER BACK TO REALITY!!!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Tyrant Talk Show Host

There are two kinds of tv personalities in the world: those who care about the people on their show, and those who obviously don't. An example of someone who cares about the people on their talk show would be.... well.. noone. Sorry, I've never seen a talk show where the host actually cared more about the people that were on the show than the money that those people brought into the show. One example of this would be Jerry Springer, and his lovely daytime television show, the Jerry Springer show. This man has exploited anything one could think of, including incest, pornography, affairs, and any other type of private happening. If he spent half as much effort building homes for the poor as he did exploiting these poor people to keep his ratings up, he would be one of the biggest philanthropists this world has ever seen. As it is, he refuses to do good and share; i guess its good, because nobody wants a slice of the pie he makes every week.


what the heck, jerry.
Jerry Springer, You need to get a.............LIFE, LOSER!!!!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Princess Person and Dopey Dog


To My Readers:

I am too tired to write a blog that includes alliterations, clever catch lines, and interesting pictures of before and after interesting celebrities.

Instead, I decided to simply post a picture of Paris Hilton.
'Nuff Said.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Bearded Beau Brings Up Bile

There is a large difference between celebrities, and celebrities with beards. 99% of celebrities with beards make me want to vomit. The slight 1%  that are capable of pulling off a beard either suck as actors or have some other physical or social deformity, ie George Clooney who is a universal outright playboy. Our lovely celebrity Joaquin Phoenix is no exception. I don't know what possessed him to grow a beard that outshines a national park forest, but it is not a look that benefits humanity. If he stayed outside for a week and lived in a box, I would not be able to differentiate from the transient that sits outside with an "I love weed" poster. Please, Joaquin: Give us back our Jack Morrison, our Commodus, our Johnny Cash! I love you, but I will not tolerate this.

Joaquin Phoenix, You  need to get a ......................................BIG RAZOR, BRO!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Ridiculous and Religious = Riotous Runt

Nowadays, everyone is trying the latest fad: whether it be religious, physical appearance, intelligence level, they're all pretty ridiculous; and at the top of this list lies the trend-setting Tom Cruise. Not only is he an astounding 5'4", he's married to Katie Holmes and is known as the face of Top Gun. However, he is also an outspoken Scientologist. I believe his most famous interview is the one with Oprah, in which he dances around the room and jumps on the couch claiming he's in love- he also claims there are aliens. This poor man. Not only does he act crazy, he leads everyone else to believe his religion is reserved for crazy people such as himself.

Tom Cruise, You need to get a................................DIFFERENT DIVINATION, DUDE!